Into my wilderness

The last 2 weeks have been a roller-coaster ride. For the record one is not a fan. The elation after my baptism was inexplicable. But, to try and explain it felt like I moved into sunshine, I basked in the light and felt it’s warmth.

Almost immediately I was in my own wilderness I looked around and felt lost, despair, anger, hurt and sadness. The sunny disposition had evaporated as quickly as it had appeared.

Why? Well because with a week to go before I headed off on my new path a lump appeared in my leg and surgery was necessary. I could barely walk, I could not envision lifting let alone changing sails. Please read my previous post for more detail.

My test had begun. And, the kind words of support were invaluable to get me through as was the word.

I knew I could take pain killers and “power through” but I also knew that was irresponsible. In my new career I will be expected to make the right decisions and look after people and their welfare. With that in mind I couldn’t risk disrupting the training with my soon to be colleagues because I wanted this experience so much.

The training program is intensive and being on the water means it’s not just a 999 call if I went down. That in mind, I contacted the powers that be and did the only thing I could – beg for more recovery time. I knew this could end the dream but there was a possibility it might just delay the dream.

During the past year reading the Bible in a Facebook group and chatting to a special lady in my church I was reminded of Jesus’ baptism. Matthew Ch4.

This was definitely a testing time for me, but I had an army of people praying for me and it worked! Prayers were answered for healing & recovery, compassion and continuation.

If you needed tangible proof:
1. The nurses have never seen a post-op wound like mine heal as quickly as it has been.
2. Whilst waiting to find out if this new journey would start the right people were available and, thankfully, they said yes to starting a week late and to working around a full recovery.
3. Travel was cancelled with full refunds, despite the late hour. A blessing on my finances as I am no longer in employment.

I don’t know what lesson I had to learn from this experience nor if I ever will.

I do know this though:

1. I know that my faith was tested, and trusting in it and Him was far from easy. But it helped holding onto it.
2. I know that prayer was answered, and I thank everyone for their prayers.
3. I know I’m never alone – friends and family messages and calls lifted my spirit also Ps 73:23
4. I made no bargains to get the outcome I wanted during prayer, but I did ask for what I wanted. Accepting the answer may well be “no” – and only then did I feel the warmth again.

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James 1:2-3. Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.